Creepy

By admin March 9th, 2010, under life

Yesterday was an off the wall, plain old creepy friggin day. Creepy doctor, blonde bimbos working the hospital – felt like I was stuck in a bad goddam movie. That’s PJ for ya, I guess.

Today, post biopsy, I’m extremely sore in my right side including my right arm & shoulder because I had to keep my arm over my head for the procedure. Due to past damages to that arm, not an easy task, and I’m now wracked with pain from the upper arm, shoulder and neck. FUCK me… figures. Norco & me, best friends today once I get back to my bed cave… Bed cave because of the black curtains up on the windows. Curtains which I will soon remove, wash & stash since the huz will no longer be working nights and have to sleep during the day. I can put the florals back up in there. Those, with a new quilt for the bed.. yep, a good thing.

Federal tax deposit hit the bank today. BFD. Nothing I really want. I do have a list of stuff that huzbeast wants so I’ll get to placing those orders tomorrow for him. Ummm… trying to think of what else to add here but I’m drawing a blank. I’m now going to take my coffee into the bedroom, turn the TV on and rest or sleep the day away.

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I did it

By admin March 5th, 2010, under life

Yes, I did. I got my lazy ass showered and dressed and got to the damn hospital to have blood drawn. I thought I’d just be able to walk into the lab as the nurse directed me to via phone, but nooooooooo — I had to go and sit and wait to friggin’ register. Four people ahead of me. Damn!  I was hoping that waiting until late afternoon would get me in and out quicker. No such luck.

Went shopping in Matamoras’ Price Chopper afterwards. Spent enough to come away with a receipt for accumulated purchases that now grant us $1.60 off each gallon of gas at a Sunoco station for up to a 20 gallon purchase. MUST take one car to a station before the allowance expires and take advantage.

Spent too damn much on groceries, but we’ll eat, so screw it. Bought a beautiful top round roast – it’s HUGE, and I’ll prepare that on Sunday for the huz. Him luvs him some roasted beast and gravy.  There’ll be lots of leftovers. Pepper steak with mushrooms & onions over rice, maybe some sliced up really thin for cheese steak sandwiches. Yep – leftovers are a good thing sometimes. Hit the seafood section and was amazed to find flounder at $3.99 per pound. WTF? Mistake? I questioned the fish monger, he stated they got a great deal on it and that he had already sold over 500 pounds of it so far this week. I bought 4 pounds, had him split it up and tossed some in the freezer. I bet I won’t see that price again for a long, long time.  About 6 months ago I went specifically to buy flounder and it was $16.99 per pound. We bought orange roughy instead.  I also once again bought swiss cheese and mushrooms to make quiche. Now I’ll hope that I actually get to it and not let the mushrooms shrivel up to unrecognizable states again. ;-)

Sit here looking at my damn hands. Christ – looks like the paws of an 80 year old!  OK, so I know I’m slightly dehydrated, need to get some liquids into my system, but … yuck, old lady skin. Moisturizer would help, too, I suppose.

Since my sweet, darling daughter also shopped with me we have extra goodies in the house. Wonder how she’ll feel when I start buying stuff only allowed as per e-diet lists. I haven’t chosen the diet program from the site yet, but will do so very soon. We need to stop with all of the rich, wonderfully indulgent foods, the huz & I, and start eating stuff that’s very good for us. I wonder if Doctor Oz might have some kind of plan up on that site?  I heard him mention recently that he eats blueberries every single day. That they are like the most superdy dooper anti-oxidant fruit, so I bought some. ’spensive suckers, too!  What’s fucked up about that is … that I plan on making home made pancake mix and using the blueberries in them. LOL  We love blueberry pancakes here. Ohhh so yummy… and we mix butter with maple syrup, nuke it, and ladle it over the cakes. OMG, heaven indeed.

So, that’s about it for now. Probably update more on Monday after I get home from the biopsy. I know that I’ll have to stay in the hospital for several hours afterward to be sure my liver doesn’t hemorrhage from the procedure. Have to be sure my iPod is fully charged so I don’t go crazy waiting to be discharged.  I recently loaded the most recent J.D. Robb book, Fantasy in Death to listen to, so that will help me deal with the waiting.

DONE

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Doc

By admin March 1st, 2010, under life

Went to see Doc Korsakoff today for blood work results. Liver enzymes up slightly, as always; thyroid off – have to see regular doc to have meds increased a bit; viral level was 69,100 three years ago, its now 130,000 – just about double from 2006. The increase in viral level is not really significant. Most people have levels that are in the high hundreds of thousands or many millions. This is a good thing for me at this time.

I’ll be waiting on the resource center from the hospital to call this week to schedule my liver biopsy. This test will be the one that will decide exactly how we move forward – routine therapy if I’m still in stage three with Doc K OR if he believes we can wait until next year when Telaprevir is released, that’s what we’ll do.  Routine treatment gives me a 40% chance of success. Telaprevir will give me an 80% plus chance at reaching remission.  IF I’ve reached stage four fibrosis we will then have to arrange IMMEDIATE treatment with Doc K and a transplant facility because the risk of total liver failure that most stage four patients end up experiencing.

We talked about the LIVE donor program and Mt. Siani hospital in NYC does offer this option. If we have to do the latter treatment, Blace will be thoroughly tested as my potential donor. If liver failure happens and I have a successful transplant then there is a huge chance that I’ll achieve total remission and will live the remainder of my life free of the hep C virus.  The only downfall would be that I’d have to take anti-rejection drugs for the rest of my life.

So, that’s about it for now!

DONE

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. . .

By admin February 27th, 2010, under life

This virus is: insidious, sneaky, nasty, tormenting, incurable, devastating. . .

Feel free to comment and add your thoughts about this fucking monster.

DONE

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It looms . . .

By admin February 27th, 2010, under life

. . . meaning my appointment with my GI/Liver doc on Monday. Blood test results will be in and we’ll have an updated viral level. He’ll probably schedule my second liver biopsy, too. I’m hoping that we’ll have definitive answers by mid-April as to whether I do conventional treatment or jump straight to live liver transplant.  I trust this doctor and will follow his recommendations. Time to put ME first now. Sorry kids! You’re old enough to fend for yourselves for now – mama needs to focus on getting well or preparing for end days.

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Today

By admin February 18th, 2010, under life

. . . is my first born’s birthday. He’s 29 years old. ALREADY!  And our baby will be 20 in September. If anyone had told me, “back in the day” (to quote my daughter), that I’d end up with two grown children by age 50 I’d have told them they were full of shit. I never planned to be alive past my 21st, then my 30th birthday. Lived recklessly — dangerously — hoping that life as I knew it would come to a close and I’d be put out of my misery.  That misery is a whole ‘nother box of worms that I won’t open up on this blog, but suffice to say that I did find my ’savior’ in the man that I married but was never totally free until March of 2005 when my mother passed away. That said – move on.

We had a major scare on Tuesday night when the carbon monoxide detector suddenly went off. WTF? OMG!  Huz jumped out of bed, reset it and it immediately started going off again. Turns out the flu for our pellet stove was full of ash and was blocked. While the poor man stood out in the cold in his PJ’s trying to fix the problem, and he probably did, we’ve opted to shut the stove down and rely on oil for heat until he is off from work to dismantle all fittings for the stove, clean them thoroughly and then we’ll give it a good test run to be sure we’re safe.  I did have a headache that night and huzbeast insisted that it was due to the CO and that we should take a trip into the hospital to have my blood levels checked to be sure that I was OK considering the Hep C and all. I refused (of course) but went to bed with that damn headache and slept very poorly all night long. It finally dissipated yesterday around noon and while I was still quite shaken by the entire incident I did feel somewhat better than the night before.

Went and had all of the fasting blood work done. Have I posted that here already? If so, then I’m being repetitive. They took so much damn blood out of my arm . . . Kudos to the tech that drew my blood tho – first time I didn’t feel the needle slide into the vein and she hit on the first try. I have very deep veins and this sometimes proves to be daunting to phlebotomists. Recommendation to locals — need blood drawn? Go on Saturday mornings and hope you draw the same tech I did. She’s most excellent. :)

I’m not going to call the doctor’s office for those results; I’ll wait until my March 1st appointment to get the news. I need to call Horton today to see if they can get me a copy of the results of the liver biopsy I had in ‘06. Note to self: do it TODAY dumbass! Still have to have another biopsy – not something to look forward to, that’s for sure. Awake for the entire procedure and while they do numb up the area that they intend to penetrate with that outrageously LONG needle there is still sensation as bits of the liver are snipped off for testing. And when he (the doc) goes in waaaay deep for that last snip you (well, me) feel like a string is being yanked deep inside that is attached throughout the abdominal region… strange, strange feeling. Patience is a definite virtue afterwards since I have to lie on my right side where the biopsy was taken from so that pressure is applied to the liver to prevent bleeding out. Last time they gave me my Norco after the procedure and I totally zoned out. . . a nurse had come in to check on me and immediately called for help thinking I had gone into crisis. I hadn’t — I was just sleeping, dammit! Make me lay there and order me to not move, what else is there to do but sleep? ;-)

I hope that the next six weeks or so pass quickly so we don’t have to drive ourselves nuts wondering what the results may be. <sigh>

DONE

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Shit

By admin February 12th, 2010, under life

Was typing a new post and hit something on the keyboard that lost it all on me.

For the past few days my hubby has been taking care of me. Not something I’m usually comfortable with – but he insists. I’m not supposed to feel guilty, but I do. He’s been cooking, straightening the house here and there, and taking care of the dogs. I intend to do some laundry today and will wait to do so until after he goes to his 12:15 doc appointment.  This way I won’t have him telling me to let him do it all… he needs to understand that I do need to do at least a little something before I feel like I’m going to crash & burn again – head off to bed to snooze many hours away.

Nice & warm in the house. Sun is shining and helping to warm things up a whole bunch. We may head out shopping later on. His nephew is supposed to be stopping by this afternoon to introduce us to our great nephew. We’re really looking forward to meeting him. Jason, huz’s nephew will be leaving on Monday. He’ll be taking a train back west via a northern US route. I bet he’ll love it. He’s such a social person and just about everyone seems to love this kid. Someday his father will regret pushing him away – at least I HOPE he will… Who really knows with that guy. He’s the type that believes he has understanding of the world that no other human can possess and is so self righteous and arrogant —- dry drunk.  Give him time. It’s the only thing between him and his next drink/drunk. Once he begins that phase it’s pretty much all over for him.

ANYWAY – huz just went out to the store for me. I cannot express how lucky I am to have him in my life. My dearest friend introduced us way back when – and while the huz and I had some major bumpy areas in the beginning we did finally come back together in April of ‘89 and haven’t been apart since.  This man is the only person in the world that I trust 110% and that took a long time to achieve, too. Having trust issues throughout my entire life with men and women is not something that is easily overcome, and he (huz) is the ONLY person that has that from me.  My soul mate? Most definitely.  I couldn’t survive without him. And a big thanks to my friend, Bette, for getting us together so long ago.

OK – meds kicking in and my hands are starting to feel a bit more functional. I have a bit of a ’spontaneous cloud’ to finish spinning up as a single – then I would love to get it all plied together before grabbing the next cloud for a corespun yarn.  Feeling a tiny bit ambitious at this moment – I’d also like to get some wool into quart jars and dye it up. I need some more colors since I plan on working Meunch’s “The Scream” into a color pattern and then knitting it up on large needles, and machine felting for a computer case for my lil’ purple notebook. :)

DONE

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Friends

By admin February 9th, 2010, under life

To my dearest friends that have offered to come here and help me out with stuff – please don’t take my refusal to heart. While I could probably use your help in doing things around the house I may need you more in the near future once we know what we’re going to be confronted with. I don’t want to abuse the privilege of any friendships, and you all know how bloody independent I can try to be. I hate to be a bother to anyone. In the near future we may consider hiring a housekeeper to come in twice a month to do the things that I am no longer capable of doing – floors, windows, extensive dusting. I’d rather have friends here at a later date to simply sit with me while I’m totally indisposed, maybe do a bit of cooking for my darling huz.  Since I’m relatively still on my feet I just need to TRY and do some of the trivial stuff around here myself.

I know I’m probably being stubborn – but as I mentioned, I don’t want to seem to use any of you for help at this time for my own peace of mind and to keep from feeling so incredibly guilty for being stupid and getting myself into this situation with the virus in the first place. Hep C sucks. . .

Love you all.  -L

DONE

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Blah

By admin February 9th, 2010, under life

Feeling quite ill today. Nausea is constant and I may have to take steps to try to alleviate it. Feeling somewhat toxic as well. Lots of water today to try and flush my system out. I think I’ll make up a green salad with Greek seasonings to eat on wraps IF I even feel like eating at all. Instinct at the moment is to head back to bed and stay there all day… and night.

Big snow supposedly coming in. We’re out of eggs and could use some half & half for coffee. I don’t feel like going out right now — maybe I’ll be a little better later so I can go.

Daughter left here yesterday after she and I had a kind of confrontation. I don’t want to lose her, but if we don’t take a stand now we may end up losing her forever and have to plan a funeral. She’s breaking my heart. I still have very high hopes for her and hope that she’ll take the steps needed to get herself straight and to understand why she does the things she knows could kill her. Reckless abandon. Frightening.

Must lay back down for a bit.

DONE

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Well . . .

By admin February 6th, 2010, under life

. . . I guess I’m heading into a period of exhaustion again.  Slept 11 hours last night but had to crawl back into bed at 4pm this afternoon. Huz got me up at 8:45pm. I was surprised it was that late. He wanted to be sure I ate something. It’s now 9:55pm and I’m quite ready to head back to bed.

Daughter is out for the night – she went to her boyfriend’s home. He ran into a bit of trouble and she’s there to comfort him, I guess. I feel for him – we really like Chris and feel that he got a bunch of shit handed to him that was quite unfair.

New chair! We were considering buying one to replace the recliner that huz uses because our resident ‘big fella’ (Caesar) has damaged the existing one quite heavily with those huge canine feet of his. Our son called – he got a brand new recliner (about a month old) from an elderly neighbor that wasn’t able to use it at all. Son & DIL had no room in their new home and Erich said he thought of his dad’s beat up chair and thought we’d like it. Like it? Wow! We love it. Very nice piece of furniture. Huzbeast is very pleased.

I need to get my ass up at some point this week and head to a lab to have blood drawn for a ‘fasting’ work-up on all things related to my liver and the damn hep C. Wish I didn’t have to drive so damn far, but. . . whaddya gonna do?!  I’ll get coffee before hitting the lab so I can have it as soon as the draw is done.  Might even take Caesar with me for the ride if its not too cold outside.

Going to find something to nibble on – maybe some bruchetta, then heading back to bed.

DONE

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